.... in the name of love...

ive meandered through it.ive dwelt in it.
ive glowed in it. ive risen in it.
ive loved.ive been loved.and i loved it.

ive been so in love
felt walled in...thought i was protected.
lost perspective...thought i was secure.
felt happiest.. thought i was special.
obsessed...no thats exaggerated....but i thought it was passion.

i never realized that i was losing myself.
my independence.my confidence.my beliefs.
i dont need to verbalize everything.
i believe that soulmate and all is just hokum.
i was compromising on my precious,private cerebullar space.

i want to be totally alone again... and not to miss you every time im alone.
i want to think,analyze and criticize.. not to dish it to you as entertaining cute shit.
i can be a fallen human by myself.. i dont need a pair of human arms to fall into.

yet always...
i will demand respect bcoz im a person.. not coz im a woman.
i will look for a shoulder.... bcoz i will cry if and when i when i have to.
i will have my mood swings and be difficult...and expect you to toleate it all.
i will,sometime soon,be wanting to have you around... but wont call you.
i will sway to the the music in my head all by myself.
i will brood ,and be grumpy... bcoz i love being grumpy.

i sound bitter,self centered,and betrayed....
none of it.
i just hurt myself.
i loved too much.
it wasnt your fault.the unsaid suits me.

now i shall return to being me.
thank you.
and au revoir.